iFaith

Dear Reader:

Today I felt like writing about what religion, faith and belief means to me.

Being born in a family which is not particularly religious - we had only 3 festivals that we celebrated: Vinayaka chavati and Diwali & Sankranti. It usually involved quick prayers (for Vinayaka Chaviti) and lots of good food.

We used to visit temples once in a while, but for me it was more like submitting my wish list to God for his approval and due action.

Morning prayers (Hindu ones) were usually said only before exams (especially those that I was ill prepared for - so mostly all exams) & just before results were due.

Attending Timpany school which was started by Canadian Baptist Missionaries ensured that we would have a daily morning sermon followed by a long prayer - emphasizing our spiritual learning for the day followed by the Lord's prayer. I have to admit, I absolutely enjoyed the prayers and kind of missed having that simple connect in the religion that I was born in. There was also a sense of guilt and also my eagerness to 'fit' in with my peer group ensured that I feign indifference during these sessions.
But I understood one thing then, that A) I truly believed in prayers, B) I loved praying and felt good right after C) I was as comfortable as praying to Jesus/Mary/Holy Spirit as I was praying to Lord Siva/Krishna or Goddess Durga, by simply adding them to my 'list'.

During my grad days, I was introduced to Brahmakumaris by parents of a dear friend. Though I found it gave peace and comfort, I was too young to comprehend the wealth of knowledge that was being offered. But I had one major takeaway - they focused on developing a personal & meaningful relationship with God.
That involved writing letters to him in a diary, if need be.
Though initially it felt awkward (kind of how it felt when I started this blog) since I was sure that nobody would be bothered to read it (again like this blog), it became a medium of expressing -kind of like a journal with a Dear God instead of Dear Diary.

I would share all my worries, fears, feelings and felt comfortable that my God would take care of it. It was always Dear God - not Jesus or Krishna or Durga as based on the situation , I subconsciously reached out to Goddess Saraswati when I had trouble learning; Goddess Durga when I needed courage and confidence; Lord Krishna when I needed guidance or advise; Lord  Hanuman when I was unwell or scared; Lord Ganesha when I was trying to start something (CAT preparation etc); Lord Rama and Sitamma when I was feeling overwhelmed with problems; and sometimes to Jesus for all the above.

Psychology behind Why we LIKE the people we do

Disclaimer:  Despite the lofty title, this article contains the ramblings of an amateur Psychology Enthusiast . Hence please discount those portions of nonsense which might  be unacceptable to you J

 

I woke up this morning with a simple and interesting (to me) question: Why do we like the people we do?

Now,  while I brushed my teeth, there was a swirl of ideas floating in my head:

A)     Is it because of their physical appearance? Could we take refuge in the Freudian concept that due to the similarity of their appearance or mannerisms to our primary (parents, favorite nanny or relatives) or secondary care givers (favorite teachers), that we might be pre disposed to liking them?
B)      Is it a happy coincidence that their attributes (profession/likes/dislikes/activities) coincide with ours? Do we like people because they are more like us?

By the time I was having my masala tea, I was mentally making a note of all the people I like and why I like them.

Immediate family, could not be considered as part of this sample study as , I can hardly term what I feel towards them as ‘like’ but a much stronger emotion.

Secondly, as I was genetically  predisposed to like them, they had to be eliminated from my sample group. Now, I do understand that this study is very subjective as I am sure many (including you) might have different reasoning based on how our brains are wired J

Then, while I mentally reviewed each of my friends in my favorites list, here were a few shocking observations, starting with the most inane:

A)     Irrespective of their gender, I am drawn to people with a warm smile. Rather than the perfect ‘tooth paste commericial’esque smile, I am drawn more by the crooked/lopsided grins, the toothy grins and even more the slightly shy smiles. Madhavan’s smile deserves a special mention here and in the same vein, let me mention my best friend Simmi’s Brahmi-esqe smile, to Vishal’s throaty chuckle.

B)      Secondly, I think we tend to like people who really like what they do in life – fantastic home makers, artists, dhobi, IT professionals, marketing professionals. I enjoy asking them about what they do and how much they have enjoyed themselves. My friend Bhavi, is a home maker and cook par excellence who can put any professional interior decorator to shame.

C)      Does the Magnetism related axiom we learnt in Physics “Opposites Attract” hold true in this regard? Hmmm...  I tend to be drawn to people who are  intelligent, calm & interesting types. So maybe it is true J

D)     Break Even & Cost Benefit Analysis: I dont mean to sound cold or unfeeling here. But here is an interesting thought. Let us take this example:  May be even when a friendship blossoms between 2 garrulous people, one of them subconsciously takes the role of a listener. So maybe subjective transformation of our attributes to adapt to a person we like has a more selfish connotation than the virtues it is usually ascribed. Havent we been taught since childhood  (especially if you are a girl from a conservative south indian upbringing) that flexibility and willingness to adjust is a virtue to be cultivated? Now, let me elaborate on this- us being social animals, reach out for interaction with like-minded or like natured individuals.  There might be a Pareto’s Rule involved here, since we like ,say, 80% of their attributes, we do not mind modifying our dislike/disinterest w.r.t their un-interesting attributes, which form the remaining 20%. And this adaptation might not be the ‘selfless virtue’ that it is made out to be, but in fact, something which our sub conscious has evaluated taking the pros and the cons. Maybe the subconscious, automatically does an evaluation of whether the other individual is worthy of ‘liking’ and whether the discomfort that the delta modification in our behavior or interests  entails, shall be compensated by the pleasure of their friendship/ camraderie.

E)      Hobbies/ Interests: I think we like people who are interested in other things in life than just earning a livelihood. Hobbies - interests -what they actually enjoy doing in their ‘Me’ Time. I enjoy listening to people who love photography, read books, take up singing, pottery, baking, dancing, trekking, gymming, swimming, sports (My brother , Vijay Aluri, deserves a special mention here J I forgot- family is not a part of this sample study).

F)    Humor: Manasa Kedari deserves a special mention for her ability to recall thousands of Brahmi related jokes at exactly the right situation. I guess, we all like those who can make us laugh so hard that your tummy hurts.

G)      Last but not the least, I think I am drawn to people who think differently. I think those people who have the courage to think differently & who are willing to add fresh perspective to any topic with their point of view (those influenced by Edward De Bono’s Lateral thinking J ?) are those that I usually like. I think, it is to those people, that my hands itch to call, whenever anything new happens - Bal Thakerays Death related facebook fiasco - etc etc

 

PS: I am writing this blog while I am in a train which is delayed by more than an hour.

Please do let me know what you think about this topic.

As always, Thanks for reading ,

Sirisha Aluri

PS: Picture borrowed from harpyness.com.

 

 

Silence & Solitude

As  I got up this morning,at the Wipro Guest House in Gachibowli, Hyderabad, I was a very happy woman.

I was thrilled to go to a classical concert by Bombay Jaysree this evening (at Ravindra Bharati). Then I had a thought: why dont I use the wine-taster’s technique to enjoy this concert better? For the sake of my tee totaller friends,  this is how the technique works:  the wine taster keeps his palate fairly un diltuted by overpowering tastes so as to be able to fully appreciate the wine that he is tasting.

I decided to spend the rest of the day in refreshing silence – no TV, no cell phone, no radio, nothing.

Just sheer undiluted Silence interspersed with sounds of birds chirping or the occasional car whizzing past.

For those who know me (as friends/acquaintances/family), I am known for my episodes of loquaciousness followed by longer intermittent periods of absolute silence.

When I started trying Mounam/Silence as a spiritual practice, few years back, I was struck by how scared I and my fellow novices were in fully embracing silence. Even a trip to the ashram, which would actually be fruitful, if one was just silent enough to experience the amazing tranquility and positivity which each tree/each square inch of that place radiated,was transformed, by  many,into a picnic where everybody was talking at the same time to make themselves heard.

Then I pondered: Isn’t  it true in relationships as well? Be it friendship/love,  social conditioning dictates that we keep talking/communicating to make ourselves heard - our opinions , our thoughts, our views & in many cases gently coercing the friend into agreeing with us.

When was the last time, that you spent- in absolute silence with someone,  and  was totally happy in the companionship?

Now, let us take any regular day,do we ever spend an hour in absolute Silence? Why are we driven into turning up the volume in our car stereos , listening to  noises of news anchors blaring out ‘breaking news’ , or the recent trend- “walk when you talk”?

Is this because we are afraid of Silence and the soul searching and the unwanted questions/fears/ hurt/guilt  that it throws up or is it merely a force of habit? Are we afraid of opening up a Pandora’s box by being silent?

Have we lost the ability to lovingly talk to ourselves, to patiently explore each emotion/thought/feeling till we have had some sense of understanding and peace?

According to SriSri Ravi Shankar, Silence helps to allow the impurities (restlessness) to gently settle down &  helps the person experience deep rest.

Let me end this article with this poem by Alexander Pope,which  continues to be a personal favorite of mine:

Ode on Solitude

Happy the man, whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air,
In his own ground.

Whose heards with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter fire.

Blest! who can unconcern'dly find
Hours, days, and years slide soft away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day,

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mix'd; sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please,
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me dye;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lye.

--------------------------------------------

What are your thoughts on this topic?

I am looking forward to hearing from you. Please feel free to leave a message on the blog!
- As always, Thanks for Reading!
Sirisha

PS: Picture borrowed from: http://majo-frog.blogspot.in/2012/07/solitude.html